Concert
Lights go down
Voices rise
The rumble of the bass
a shiver down my spine
and the beat kicks in
Hearts pound in sync
Roof raising
Feet against the floor thudding
Sound waves
crashing on our eardrums
Screams vanish like
A drop in the ocean
Adrenaline rush
This electrifying energy
resonates
in the souls of everyone here
My ego evaporates
into stormy ocean of the mosh pit
ebbs and flows with the music
If only I could
live among the flashing lights
with music rattling my ribcage
My sternum feels like its cracking
and pure joy might erupt from my chest
If only this moment could last forever
The lights come back on
I start to hear
faint muffled murmuring of people
I file out of the venue, breathless
White heat leaves my body as I
step out into the cool night air
(Not sure why the first one I wrote didn't go through, but here it is again.)
ReplyDeleteYour poem perfectly communicates the feeling of being at a concert, swept up in the emotion of the moment, surrounded by a crush of bodies, and losing yourself on the dance-floor. The only critique I can give is that it seems very articulate for a poem heavily emphasizing beat, pulsing, and percussive energy. If you ever try revisions, perhaps try writing the stanzas wherein you're among the crowd and lost in the song to a short, hard beat or emulate the punctual nature of the song you were dancing to in order to connect the words and subject even further.
I'm quite a fan of this poem. You've created a visceral experience which I can relate and remember. The rich adjectives and verbiage paint a vivid experience to immerse within. The only lines I felt didn't match with the intense descriptions were the "If only.." segments. They break me out of the feeling you're painting.
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